I have always loved dance. I can remember even when I was very young feeling moved by music--feeling inspired to move around when I heard music. The more dramatic the rhythm and melodies were, the more I wanted to move. I have always had an intense curiosity about people from other countries, about other languages and customs. That interest led me to George Mason University where I studied Cultural Anthropology and Japanese Language. For a while after my graduation, my focus was on teaching Japanese in an immersion environnment. While I loved those opportunites, the creative outlet was always missing. I just didn't know how to satisfy that part of myself.
Right before our wedding in 2008, my fiancee and I were shopping in Barnes & Noble when I saw two DVDs featuring Jillina Carlano. I was intreagued by the attractive covers. One of the DVDs was a choreography--the kind you can learn with the help of your rewind button. I thought, why not? Logical thought progression doesn't usually come to me quickly; it was MONTHS before I thought to search for a studio in my area, so I leanred that choreography REALLY well! Something clicked during those months. I knew I had found a creative outlet. This was a way for me to express myself through movement to what the music was making me feel.
Once I did find a studio, I enrolled in classes immediately, but never imagined myself in any role other than a student enjoying a hobby. Even so, I had begun to discover facets of my personality that I never knew existed--along with a brand new way to express them! At some point, most students are presented with the opportunity to perform. Since I tend to struggle with significant stage fright (you know, the kind that makes you feel like you want to mess your pants right before you go on, or throw up---or both), that made expressing myself though the dance on stage seem un-attainable. Fortunately, I had a lot of encouragement from every corner. I also seemed to hear the same voice as before--'well, why not?' After my first performance I knew I wanted to continue bellydance, but on a deeper level--I knew I needed guidance. I was encouraged to try for a position teaching technique. I went through the tranining program and and was able to get the position and let me tell ya: there is no quicker way to grow your knowlege of something than trying to teach it.
Baby steps. Over the course of four years, I learned a lot about myself. I found myself in positions of leadership I never would have guessed myself capable of. The confidence that came from discovering that I actually had some level of talent was beginning to grow. I am naturally an introvert, so being in front of people and simply looking like I am not dying of insecurity really took a lot of energy. At first. As I look back, my mind lumps things into eras of a sort. This era--the beginning of surprising discoveries about myself was the first era.
Somewhere during that first era, my husband and I discovered we were expecting our first child. We were so excited and couldn't wait for her to be born. I knew that despite all the typical fears and doubts that normally accompany a changing body, I didn't want to stop dancing. I decided to pace myself. During the course of that first pregnancy, I discovered how I could share my joy of dance with my little one. I used to put my favorite drum solos and baladies on quiet on my ipod earphones and then put one earphone in my belly button. Go ahead, laugh!! But some serious bonding happened that way! I would dance gently without sacrificing the integrity of the movement. When she was born, she was so used to a certain kind of movement, she refused to sleep unless Mommy danced her to sleep! I even danced while I was in labor!! No--no crazy drum solos though!
After she was born, I would watch YouTube videos while she was nursing--all of those new moves and styles I researched in those moments--all the articles I read--I filed them all away. Took notes. I promised myself when I was healed up and things slowed down, I would put all that knowlege to activity. It turned out to be a time of un-expected but significant growth for me in the dance. After a few months, I was ready to hit the ground running...!